Bad day Saturday.
Lots of tears.
Lots of hurt (why do I always hurt MYSELF when I am angry at someone else?)

Better Sunday.

I hate my brother. My only sibling. This is the second year running he has missed mine and both the kid’s birthdays.
No Card, no text, no e-mail.
If my Grandad / Dad were alive they would be ashamed of him.
He is a Selfish Pig.
I hope he rots in hell.

Thank you for the kind comments on yesterday’s post. I started to feel a little better by late afternoon, and then I took some tablets to send me to sleep at bedtime as I couldn’t get there alone. I had a horrible bunchy feeling in my upper tummy all day, it felt really horrible and I felt short of breath. It took me a while to work out it was probably anxiety I was feeling.

But, moving on to happier things, as you can see from the post title, today is Jody’s 10th birthday! Where has the time gone? I think I have done a bit of a silly thing and bought her a drum kit! Not sure the neighbours are going to thank me either but Jody is happy!

Click to enlarge!

She has scootered off to school now and has a friend coming for tea and a sleepover tonight, plus my mum is coming for tea and Harriet’s boyfriend who has been drumming for 10+ years and is going to give Jo some lessons (God help me!)
Tomorrow I have a Party booked at a local ‘Play farm’ for her and 9 friends. She is sooo spoilt.

Had a very bad day today. Spent it either raging or crying. I don’t know why. The ‘voices’ (my voice?) are getting worse again. they have been over a few days but bad today. For example I was walking home after dropping Jody off at school this morning and this came completely out of the blue and for no reason - ‘ You deserve to die, you should be dead’ over and over in time to my steps. Why would I think that for no reason? nothing had happened. I have been fighting the cutting. I don’t want to do that, the scars are just settling down but pictures of it just pop into my head without control.

What a bloody looney.

Jo went to school on her electric scooter this morning, and this was all I saw of her the whole way as the damn thing goes so fast I couldn’t keep up!

 ← Click on pic to see original Photo

I started out on a long walk with the dogs early this morning but 10 minutes in Stanley rolled in something good and dead and I told him off as he only had a bath yesterday!
Little S**t only ran off home, he’s never, ever done that before. How on earth he managed to cross the main road in rush hour traffic without getting killed I have no idea at all. He was sitting at the doorstep when me and Charlie got home and of course I was so relieved he was okay I couldn’t stay mad at him. He’s had ANOTHER bloody bath and is now sulking in his bed. From now on he stays on a lead.

Stan Sulking
 
Click on pic to see original Photo

The weather has been beautiful today, hot and sunny.
I took the dogs for a lovely long walk, about 4 miles.
Here are some pics from today, it’s one of our regular neighbourhood walks;

  
Around the ponds, along the cycle path

  
Up to the park, a rest in the grass, over the little bridge and home again.

I’ve been suffering with a bad Migraine most of this weekend it seems. It got particularly intense on Sunday afternoon, I ended up vomiting which as anbody who suffers will understand is a very bad thing. I was literally holding my head together as I puked.
Hormonal stuff is most definately a trigger. I have been taking my Dianette properly and regularly and I am consistently getting a serious Migraine at the start of every period. I need to start the preventative drugs each month and see if they can ward off an attack. 

Paul starts his new Job tomorrow in Bristol - he’s getting the train there and back, so until we work out exactly what we are going to do vehicle wise, I have both cars at home and can choose which to drive! I am a two car woman - wooohoooo!

Kids to school / college tomorrow. H has exams this week for which she has done NO revision. Boyfriend has been around a lot. She’s 17 - it’s up to her now.

Charlie Dog tucked up in his bed last night;

(Click pic to enlarge)

I got nail varnish for my birthday, and I painted my fingernails today
(yes, my nails are really short!).

And I have already heard all the snot jokes!!

My Lilys opened today;

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-And the whole house smells heavenly because of them.