Bad Day
May 8, 2008Had a very bad day today. Spent it either raging or crying. I don’t know why. The ‘voices’ (my voice?) are getting worse again. they have been over a few days but bad today. For example I was walking home after dropping Jody off at school this morning and this came completely out of the blue and for no reason - ‘ You deserve to die, you should be dead’ over and over in time to my steps. Why would I think that for no reason? nothing had happened. I have been fighting the cutting. I don’t want to do that, the scars are just settling down but pictures of it just pop into my head without control.
What a bloody looney.
Oh Janey, you don’t how much I feel for you right now, I didn’t know you where a voice hearer, *join the club, but I don’t write about it - yet*… I experienced very similar in bed last night it’s not only frightening its hell as you try to switch off from such intrusive thoughts. I’ve raged this evening and destroyed the bedroom in a fit of anger and then I sat on the floor holding a piece of broken mirror to my wrist… I then came into the living room and destroyed photos and frames of people I once loved, I can’t understand why I am constantly on a self destruct mode and I’ve not stopped yet.
Lots of thoughts and hugs Janey… xxx
You aren’t a looney. I hope you find the help you need to get you through this. Different issue, but I really struggled with my anxiety attacks and looked into every possible treatment I could to help. It’s taken me a while this time to get on top of it again. Can you talk to your doctor? If not find one that will help. Take care
I got worried about you and read back and see you won’t go to the doctors? There must be a reason that you have been put of them, but they aren’t always the same. Is there alternative therapy you could try? Also herbal remedies such as St John’s wort. Read as much as you can, I found aspartame (not sure of spelling) found as a sweetener in ‘diet’ foods can cause reactions in some people, also Vitamin deficiencies…. Please go for help. Look at those gorgeous girls of yours, they deserve to have a mum, a happy one that is there for them.
Awww, Janey,
I am soooo sorry to hear that you are feeling this way right now
I don’t really know what to say, or suggest for the best as my problems pail into significance with just how bad things get for you at times…
Try and hang in there babe!
{{{hugs}}}
Lins x